I decided to take a slight break from publication, in order to allow some time for God's whisperings to sink in and and ferment- to either become sweet wine, or be discarded gently. On top of my impromptu scheduled break, life erupted in to a busy stream of things needing my immediate attention, several of which I was unprepared for. Though stressful and often overwhelming, the last couple weeks have passed and I am content to be back to having ample free time to contemplate, observe and wait for the next round of chaos to strike.
Being alive and moving now is to be inside a pressure cooker. We are experiencing an unusually, freakishly hot summer- with several days already (not even yet July) being well above 100- normally not entirely commonplace at all, but only striking in August. Everyone seems to be pulling themselves along lethargically. No one wants to commit themselves to more than a few minutes at a time outside, and I am in this category. I enjoy the heat and love the act of sweating in the summer sun- but, pregnancy makes for the dangerous to safe line to be far more rigid and restrictive. So- what is there to do during this bulbous, molten stage I am in? A whole lot of reading, praying and observing.
We are now living in the "woods"- back, fairly far out of the hustle and clamor of tourist-y Billsburg. One can actually see the stars here- and the sound of car is foreign and alerts the ears. As far as observation goes, sitting on the porch, or gazing out of the window has been a spiritual treat for me. We have been here just at a week, and I have seen so many of God's creations, moving about freely and comfortably. Tristan saw a fawn, still bow legged and speckled, that he was so close to he could have merely reached out and stroked his back; raccoons, hawks, red fox, lizards, even a snake or two. (Our cats are certainly in elated heaven.) It is such a sweet thing to be reminded of how close one's heart is tied to the earth, how intertwined and co-dependent we are. What little of my psyche ever believed I could be content to live in the city has been silenced.
Spiritually, I am reminded of all the countless scriptures of how God's will is to provide for us, and we are not to fret. Seeing how delicate, yet constant, how tiny, yet plentiful, all of His creatures seem to be- how uncaring the doe is, or the tiny fox outside his den- I am more than reassured by this standard of care. Even if I should die tomorrow, to die in the world as God has painted it, is an honor and does not strike fear in to me. The oldest truths, revisited and comprehended in new light, are often the most powerful and the most necessary. It seems I am in a period of reassessment and definition- and I am absolutely enjoying it.
