Said

Its hard for me not too wonder why "it seems" as if things break around me more than other people. Why the people who have left me here, have left me at all, and especially when they did. Why certain people do, and did, certain things.... I don't ask why of any higher power, I ask why of myself. And possibly of you. Possibly of everyone.

Memories are eating my brain. I can't shut them off, I can't turn them down. I am having the hardest time comprehending regular things- where I was, where I am. If the sensations are real- or if they even were once. I think the problem is you can't out think pain when it's out of your head but buried in your heart. Bizarre.

Struggling.

But then that means I am still afloat- at least a bit. Otherwise, I'd just be sinking all together.

I'm asking why NOW. I am safe for the first time in my life- and here, in this sanctuary, is where I am beginning to unravel. Maybe that's it... maybe that's why. Because I am safe. I have everything I have been asking for, praying for- and I am too much of a shadow to hold it.

Even so, there are demons in my blood- and I am all but sick and tired of listening to them howl, of hearing them whisper to each other. I am more than this. I am more than these things that have befallen me. I must be. I am.

Just being around people is getting unpredictable. Things are not what they should be. Or, is there really such a thing?

I don't know much of anything anymore. My mind goes off like an alarm over the strangest things- colors, sights, sounds, things that begin to draw out this deeper enigma of myself, this past of mine I cannot recall. And that is likely best- considering the memories I do keep. This is a new haunting, from the darker depths that are hidden and masked, but those things which are naked on the surface have been chasing me for my entire life.

I am hunted.

This is who I am.