Give to the Giver!

Humility is stillness that God works to create in us, so that we may be able to feel the beauty of his symphony. He wants this for us, so that we will desire more than anything to play side by side with our brothers and sisters. He wants this in us, so He can work through us, to affect and change the world we live in, to change the heart of the people we encounter and we love. Humility, though, is trickier than it seems. Humility is not only to serve, but to be served. And one MUST be gracious in doing both.

I was given an opportunity to be totally, uncomfortably served today- and I took it.

I have been, throughout my life, someone who has dreaded the idea of being helped, being given anything for free, or being in a position to have to ask for that. I was taught that this was weakness, that this was in some way sinful, to be in need, as it meant you were not wise enough, or strong enough on your own. Over time, I began to realize this was untrue, but continually struggled with the reflex reactions I had grown in to. Painstakingly, (for He and I) God has been delivering serious blows to this complex of mine, and showing me the complete necessity in being able to accept as well as give. You learn from both- and you experience so much of God's heart and hands when you assume both roles in their appropriate timing. To only give, or to only receive, is like taking only one class in a two part course- you are only half as educated as you should be.

So today, confronted with no money, no food, and three hungry bellies, I went to a food bank with a dear friend. My pregnant bump popped out to say hello, bringing lots of affectionate glances and waves from strangers, old and young alike. Throngs developed behind me, chatting and hugging, laughing an discussing what they were going to eat first. It took no time for me to feel one hundred percent at home in this arena of souls. There were chain smokers, people with leg braces, faces tattooed, pierced, scarred, overdone with an excess of make up, perfectly natural faces with a worn attractiveness to them; tight clothes, baggy clothes, great smells, terrible smells... and all in all, a realization began to wake in me. In this line of people, with empty bags, standing in the pouring rain, starved and exhausted, there was laughter. REAL laughter. Sincerity. There was joy. There was reality, honesty and a LOT of humility. We were hungry, yes, but we passed food down to others, asked before taking the last and we celebrated over what we were given that day, and all the days before that. There was more life and happiness in our line of tired, chancy circumstances than there has EVER been in any well-stocked Walmart line. Why? Because we were family, in the way we should always be, due to our common need. Being in need, creates a NEED to love, a need to give back and a need to celebrate what has been given- when God is in the spotlight and when humility has been learned.

Many, many times, I have been the person delivering food to hungry hands. I have been the hungry one far more than once, but never before had I allowed anyone to serve me so completely in this way. I have gotten better at accepting a gift here and there, but never from complete strangers, never from people I didn't know well, and contacted often. The lesson I finally learned today is that neediness is not weakness It builds faith, understanding between people, and makes us understand better HOW to give. It teaches us WHY to give, where to give, when to give, and to do it without show, with love and with intention. It teaches us the holiness of this commandment God has for us, to be servants, and allows us better embrace His universal understanding. A stranger who loves you is no less your brother or your sister than your best friend.

Experience God's music. Wait for your solo, but don't be a soloist.